


Nobodies (or a love story told in no particular order)

by ILovePortal



Series: Burnout [1]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Oneshot, but can stand alone, companion piece to Burnout
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29948820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILovePortal/pseuds/ILovePortal
Summary: Gray wants to fix his mistakes.Takes place when Carmen is working with VILE
Relationships: Gray | Crackle/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep
Series: Burnout [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2202636
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Nobodies (or a love story told in no particular order)

**Nobodies (or a love story told in no particular order)**

_ Do you remember being nobodies? Discovering nothing was not that bad when shared as a pair, both lost and long-suffering, hiding in a frightening land? _

Gray knew what it was like, losing your memories. Altering memories was pretty messy in the best-case scenario. He knew the confusion and emptiness that came with Dr. Bellum’s procedure. 

You know when you know you’re forgetting something, something important, but you don’t know what it was or how to get yourself to remember it? Yeah, it feels like that all the time. Actually, it’s worse because you aren’t forgetting a dentist appointment or whatever, you’re forgetting a part of yourself.

Sometimes you remember it. For a split second, you would remember before it slipped out of your mind like water through fingers. It’s kind of like waking up from a weird dream and trying to remember it afterwards. You know how you can’t remember the dream, but you can remember how it made you feel? Yeah, like that. And if you did remember, it would be confusing because the memory doesn’t line up with what you know is true.

It was maddening.

So, when he saw Carmen with a slight far-off look in her eyes, like she was trying to work something out, he vowed to help her. 

* * *

_ And do you remember feeling that anger, yet so much love? And “for what?” you wondered. And now there’s no wondering, the wrong nervous muttering, no magic left at all. _

On paper, this should’ve been great for Gray. This is exactly what he wanted, right? He didn’t want to have to hurt Carmen. Hadn’t he begged her to leave VILE be so he wouldn’t have to? Didn’t he want Carmen to come back to VILE? 

He did, in a vague sense, just not like this. She didn’t really choose to do this.

So, as happy as he was to see her smiles and hear her jokes, it was all so wrong and he would end up being as angry as he was happy. His blood would run hot when she was assigned to operations because she should never have had to do them. It was all so wrong.

And all he could ask was ‘Why? Why did it have to be like this?’ He was starting to understand why Carmen hated VILE as much as she did. 

Still, his heart broke slowly.

* * *

_ But I remember leaning against a backwards bent wing and awaking to feel that your touch didn't sting.  _

Carmen would sometimes have knee-jerk reactions against her teammates, a side effect of Dr. Bellum’s experiments. She remembered that they were her enemies and that she despised them, but she couldn’t remember why. So her anger would fizzle out shortly after and she would calm down.

This happened with nearly everyone. She would be jumpy around her teammates when they startled her. (Gray suspected that this was a result of her abduction by the Cleaners. Or maybe she knew on some deep level that she was surrounded by enemies. He really wasn’t sure.) On more than one occasion, she had nearly punched people who had caught her off guard, forcing them to dodge her blow or relying on Carmen stopping herself.

The only person it didn’t happen with was Gray. She seemed to trust him implicitly, which made him even more desperate for the Real Carmen to come back. He felt like he was betraying her by being complacent.

That hurt him more than anything.

* * *

_ When everything was wrong, I made so many mistakes and you helped me make them, but with presence and patience. All those wrong, awful, wild, amazingly childish decisions. _

Gray wasn’t sure if Carmen ever killed anyone. 

It was kind of a hard thing to admit because he wouldn’t know how he would explain himself to the Real Carmen.

But he didn’t always go on missions with her. He just didn’t know.

Sometimes he would remember that first mission in Vienna. 

She had wandered off to “take care of something” and Gray, determined to try to keep her safe, had gone with her. She asked him to turn off the power at her signal and he had agreed. He assumed that she just wanted to interrogate the person following her. (Gray knew he was a member of Carmen’s old crew, but other than that, he didn’t know much about him.) So Gray obeyed and cut the power and watched as Carmen, the same Carmen that abandoned VILE at the very prospect of ever having to kill someone, tried to kill her own friend. 

“Crikey!” He yelped and his hand flew to the switch to turn the power back on but decided against it. If he turned the power back on, the kid might fall off from the sudden movement of the Ferris wheel. No, he couldn’t do anything but watch.

It was really only luck that kept that kid alive. 

Gray had never killed anyone. If Shadowsan hadn’t saved the kid’s life in the nick of time, he would’ve been a murderer. And so would Carmen.

* * *

_ I take a breath, and I know I've got to turn the final page, but is our story really done yet? I guess I'm still afraid. _

He looked up at her, eyes wide as he hoped and prayed and begged that ACME’s device would work.

But it didn’t.

* * *

_ But do you remember, just being honest, little bright moments of peace in the trees?  _

Sometimes, Carmen would act like herself. These little moments when she would smile in such a way or drink her coffee in the exact way she used to. Gray could pretend, just for that moment, that everything was okay and that the Real Carmen was back. But they were fleeting.

Gray knew he had to do something.

* * *

_ Now it takes so much work to be with you. I'd say that I miss you, but for that, you'd have to leave. _

It would be hard for him, sometimes, to be near her. He missed her, to put it simply. He missed the Real Carmen who was kind, and caring, and would never hurt someone if she could help it. He missed her, even as she was standing right next to him.

* * *

_ But I remember once forever seemed too short a time, though not long enough for me to make up my mind. I would've thought eternity would eventually make me wise, enough to choose a side, not just linger undecided. _

It took him a while to come up with a plan. 

He considered a lot of things. He could try stealing ACME’s device. But, no, he had no idea where it was being kept and there was a low chance of success, with ACME being as well guarded and secure as it was. He could tip them off anonymously, but there was no guarantee they would do anything to help, let alone believe him. So he settled on turning himself in and explaining in person.

He knew that he could be arrested and imprisoned for good (maybe even memory-wiped again, or worse, if VILE managed to get their hands on him) but it seemed like a small price to pay for the Real Carmen.

* * *

_ Why do I feel changed when we both have stayed the same? It feels like something's different, some ache too big to name. _

When he saw her for the first time, he was originally very happy to see her. Like Jean-Paul said, it would be like old times.

Then she had Tigress pinned against the wall and showed no sign of letting up and Gray began to worry. He tried to shove it away as he hyped up the team for the heist.

And then the day got worse.

In retrospect, Gray would identify that mission as the moment he began to miss Carmen.

* * *

_ When everything is endless and you're nineteen yet again and you're never flawed enough but you keep on pretending. _

The new Carmen was quick to violence and insults in a way she never was before. But she also had this, well, naivete isn’t the right word he was looking for. Ignorance, let’s say, about the world that reminded Gray of Black Sheep, the 18-year-old who had never left the Isle of VILE and knew little of the world outside it.

* * *

_ Wanting that desperate, "forget me not/do you love me yet?" ending. _

He jammed ACME’s device on Carmen’s head while her back was turned. 

“Please, come back,” he begged.

* * *

_ But there's no ending. There's nobody. Just two nobodies. _

“You’re a dirty traitor like Shadowsan.” She spat.

“This isn’t the real you!” 

“Goodbye, Gray. No, wait. You prefer Crackle.”

“Please, Carme-”

And he blacked out.


End file.
